On this last day of 2012, I want you to know, I am so grateful for those of you who are reading. I’ve heard from some of you and I am so glad you are here. I have been where you are and hope to help.
Over the past several months, Tim and I have been through a lot. We moved in together in June. I’ve become closer and closer to his daughters. We’ve fought about anything and everything you could imagine. I’m working out what my role is in this little family. I’m trying to balance when I put myself first and when I put the family first, when do I put the kids first and when do I put the relationship first. It’s confusing and it hasn’t been easy.
I’ve made some mistakes and have been focusing a lot on what is wrong with the relationship. The truth is that we’ve thrown, the b-word (breakup) around a few times. I think we’re past that now, but I’d forgotten that relationships are difficult. When I got into the relationship I am in now, I was extremely careful not to repeat many of the mistakes I had made in a bad relationship that ended about seven years ago. I spent many years working on how to avoid these mistakes after that relationship ended before I even considered a new one. I was intellectually aware of everything that needed to happen for a relationship to succeed. But now that I have been in one for over two years, it has been easy for me to forget some of those lessons that I learned.
One of the big things I held in my mind as I was getting to know Tim was that I had to accept him exactly as he was. And I did that very well in the beginning. Lately, I had forgotten that and we have fought about the things that we think are wrong with each other. But deep down I know that it will never work if we do that. So I have a New Year’s Resolution for this relationship. I intend to accept Tim and his kids and the whole situation exactly as they are. That is not to say I won’t speak up and let him know when I don’t like something. But I am really working on accepting him and loving him exactly as he is, even when he’s doing things that I don’t like. He is who he is and I’ve known it from the beginning. I don’t expect him to change. This is my new motto, not just for my relationship with him, but for life. When I accept things as they are and stop focusing on what I don’t want, I get more of what I do want.
What is it that you want in your life and in the relationship with the single father? If you don’t know what you want, read this post about how to get clarity on what you want. The beginning of a new year is a great time to get clarity on where you want to go in the coming year. I wish you a Happy New Year and hope that you can get some clarity about what it is that you want. As Martha Beck says, where your attention goes, your life goes. Focus on what you DO want rather than what you don’t and take action to make it happen. I wish you amazing things in 2013!
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