I get so angry sometimes being in this situation and dating this single father. I have to deal with certain things that I would rather not deal with and it’s hard sometimes. My boyfriend’s ex-wife stirs up my stuff and I can get really stuck in blame and anger about how she is or what she says.
I am able to work through these resentments when they come up with a tool that I learned from a friend that went to AA. The thing about resentment is it doesn’t harm anyone but myself. It’s eating me up inside but the other person is usually oblivious. So when I am feeling stuck in anger and blame and I want to be in a different place, I pull this out of my toolbox.
The catch is I have to be willing to let the resentment go. If I’m not, I have to be willing to be willing. If that’s true then I am good to go. It works every time. Like magic.
Step 1:
Say the following:
I pray/hope for ____________ everything I would have for myself.
Step 2:
List off the opposite of everything you think that person is lacking.
For example, if I think my boyfriend’s ex wife is angry, unloving, hostile, unforgiving and selfish, I would say:
Love, forgiveness, peace of mind, generosity, kindness…
Step 3:
Go on to think of things that you think they might like to have in their life.
…a good relationship with my ex-husband, healthy, happy children, joy, good health, prosperity, healthy relationships and happiness.
Step 4:
And then finish it up:
I am willing to see her/this situation differently.
Here’s the whole thing:
I pray for J. everything I would have for myself: love, forgiveness, peace of mind, generosity, kindness, a good relationship with my ex-husband, healthy, happy children, joy, good health, prosperity, healthy relationships and happiness. I am willing to see her differently.
This is a powerful tool and it takes about five minutes to do the whole thing. It is an active process. Don’t just read it. It has to come from your heart and you have to feel it inside. But you don’t have to mean it or really want those things. And at first you won’t. You just have to say it everyday for two weeks. If you miss a day, you have to start over. Do it for two weeks straight. It seems like a chore and you may not want to do it, but I’m telling you it works! You will start to feel lighter by the end of the first week and by the end, you will feel compassion and maybe some forgiveness toward the person.
Let me know how it goes!
